Alone!
Human beings are very complicated creatures. When in presence of others, our feelings and actions are quite different than when we are alone, specially with regard to our relationship with our Lord and with our soul. We sometimes feel more comfortable and enjoyable when engaged with our Lord while being among others. At other times, we find it awkward and not very effective. It is not the purpose of this writing to explore the mechanism of feelings of human beings when they are amongst others as opposed to when they are alone. In fact, such exploration might not lead to any definite answers any way.
It is however, enough to appreciate that normally, when it comes to our relationship with our Lord and understanding our own soul, we will be in a better situation to assess ourselves when we are alone. Yes, it is in interaction with others that our strengths and weaknesses are usually revealed, yet, it is in our own lone times that we come to notice and hopefully, appreciate them better.
The moments when one is alone are precious times for the one who is interested in being better in the path of his Lord:
- These are the moments that such a person will use to reflect on his personality, being totally honest with himself, and to address his own soul, talking with it, criticising it and advising it openly, seriously and passionately.
- The glory of being alone gives such a person a chance to realistically assess his soul and his relationship with his Lord. Being alone is in fact an opportunity for measuring our success in spiritual purification. For instance, if we feel we enjoy prayers better when we read them while others watching us then this may be a loud alarm that something is seriously wrong.
- The moments of being alone are the times during which a person can be sure that, in connecting with his Lord, he is not showing off or putting up a face for others. It is during these moments that he can talk to his Lord with no one intruding.
It is always good to be around others and to have others around us. I am not propagating isolation and seclusion. It is however, important to value the price of our moments of solitude as well and to make sure we are having them occasionally. After all, it was during their moments of solicitude that the most purified individuals in the past received revelations from their Lord. We of course will not receive any revelations, but we can for sure, receive His blessings.
Is that it? ...
Not quite! ...
There is a tricky point here. It was mentioned above:
“These are the moments during which the person can be sure that, in connecting with his Lord, he is not showing off or putting a face for others.”
However, is it really impossible to show off and put a face when we are alone?!
The sad reality is that the answer to the above question is, "No". Often our understanding of showing off (Riya) is that this only applies when we show off to others. While showing off to others is the worst kind of showing off, perhaps the trickiest showing off and the one that is more difficult to avoid is "one showing off to oneself".
The following example might help appreciate the point:
Brother X has done his best to make sure he remains humble in front of others and that he never talks too much about himself. He tries not to even do what he ordinary does (in terms of non-obligatory worship) when with others, in a fear that it might result in showing off.
This is all good so far, but read on:
Brother X is now very "proud" of himself, thinking that he has managed to be better than what others know about him. He is very proud that he can manage to be so humble in front of others. In other words, brother X is using "being humble outside" as a tool to "become arrogant inside"! He is still suffering from the arrogance that he was tried to avoid by being humble, only the type of arrogance is different!
In a broad sense, we all have three personalities:
A. The personality that we allow others to see
B. The personality that we allow ourselves to see
C. The personality that we really have
In the moments of being alone, the first of the above does not apply, however the second one applies even more forcefully. The problem is that a person needs to be very strong and brave as well as ruthless to himself in order to realise and appreciate the existence of personality B (above) and its difference with personality C (above). There comes a point in the path of tazkiyah (purification) that little progress is possible if one cannot realises the difference between B and C in himself.
Personality C can only be noticed if we can do a regular, acidic reality check. One of the ways that we can achieve this is by doing a rigorous examination of our feelings, actions and strength of belief through reviewing our behaviour and reactions to different events and aspects of our life (this is sometimes referred to as 'Muhasiba'). This itself can be done during our moments of solitude. Some examples (other than the one that was illustrated above) are:
- The feeling that my belief is strong: Where is it coming from? Has my subconscious made me forget about those situations where I realised that my belief was not that strong after all?
- My perception that I enjoy my prayers: Do I really enjoy my prayers or do I merely think I am enjoying them since this is how I like to feel about them?
- The emotional feeling that I manage to get when I think about my hidden relationship with God: Is this a real feeling or do I simply project that by dramatizing myself as a hidden precious thing? In other words, do I really cry as the result of my fear/love of my Lord and my shortcomings as his servant or, do I cry simply because I am thinking "look how good I am and nobody knows!"
Human beings are indeed very complicated creatures!
It is however, enough to appreciate that normally, when it comes to our relationship with our Lord and understanding our own soul, we will be in a better situation to assess ourselves when we are alone. Yes, it is in interaction with others that our strengths and weaknesses are usually revealed, yet, it is in our own lone times that we come to notice and hopefully, appreciate them better.
The moments when one is alone are precious times for the one who is interested in being better in the path of his Lord:
- These are the moments that such a person will use to reflect on his personality, being totally honest with himself, and to address his own soul, talking with it, criticising it and advising it openly, seriously and passionately.
- The glory of being alone gives such a person a chance to realistically assess his soul and his relationship with his Lord. Being alone is in fact an opportunity for measuring our success in spiritual purification. For instance, if we feel we enjoy prayers better when we read them while others watching us then this may be a loud alarm that something is seriously wrong.
- The moments of being alone are the times during which a person can be sure that, in connecting with his Lord, he is not showing off or putting up a face for others. It is during these moments that he can talk to his Lord with no one intruding.
It is always good to be around others and to have others around us. I am not propagating isolation and seclusion. It is however, important to value the price of our moments of solitude as well and to make sure we are having them occasionally. After all, it was during their moments of solicitude that the most purified individuals in the past received revelations from their Lord. We of course will not receive any revelations, but we can for sure, receive His blessings.
Is that it? ...
Not quite! ...
There is a tricky point here. It was mentioned above:
“These are the moments during which the person can be sure that, in connecting with his Lord, he is not showing off or putting a face for others.”
However, is it really impossible to show off and put a face when we are alone?!
The sad reality is that the answer to the above question is, "No". Often our understanding of showing off (Riya) is that this only applies when we show off to others. While showing off to others is the worst kind of showing off, perhaps the trickiest showing off and the one that is more difficult to avoid is "one showing off to oneself".
The following example might help appreciate the point:
Brother X has done his best to make sure he remains humble in front of others and that he never talks too much about himself. He tries not to even do what he ordinary does (in terms of non-obligatory worship) when with others, in a fear that it might result in showing off.
This is all good so far, but read on:
Brother X is now very "proud" of himself, thinking that he has managed to be better than what others know about him. He is very proud that he can manage to be so humble in front of others. In other words, brother X is using "being humble outside" as a tool to "become arrogant inside"! He is still suffering from the arrogance that he was tried to avoid by being humble, only the type of arrogance is different!
In a broad sense, we all have three personalities:
A. The personality that we allow others to see
B. The personality that we allow ourselves to see
C. The personality that we really have
In the moments of being alone, the first of the above does not apply, however the second one applies even more forcefully. The problem is that a person needs to be very strong and brave as well as ruthless to himself in order to realise and appreciate the existence of personality B (above) and its difference with personality C (above). There comes a point in the path of tazkiyah (purification) that little progress is possible if one cannot realises the difference between B and C in himself.
Personality C can only be noticed if we can do a regular, acidic reality check. One of the ways that we can achieve this is by doing a rigorous examination of our feelings, actions and strength of belief through reviewing our behaviour and reactions to different events and aspects of our life (this is sometimes referred to as 'Muhasiba'). This itself can be done during our moments of solitude. Some examples (other than the one that was illustrated above) are:
- The feeling that my belief is strong: Where is it coming from? Has my subconscious made me forget about those situations where I realised that my belief was not that strong after all?
- My perception that I enjoy my prayers: Do I really enjoy my prayers or do I merely think I am enjoying them since this is how I like to feel about them?
- The emotional feeling that I manage to get when I think about my hidden relationship with God: Is this a real feeling or do I simply project that by dramatizing myself as a hidden precious thing? In other words, do I really cry as the result of my fear/love of my Lord and my shortcomings as his servant or, do I cry simply because I am thinking "look how good I am and nobody knows!"
Human beings are indeed very complicated creatures!
