Arrogance vs. Respect
Question:
AssalaamuAlaiqum,
In many scenarios--specially family related--we are stuck in perplexed situations, where it's hard to differentiate what can be passed as something done out of self-respect or something as an attribute of arrogance. Since, arrogance is such a big deal in Islam, an honest Muslim tries to remain as far from it as possible. What measures can one take, to protect his self-respect at the same time not fall under the category of arrogance.
Thank You
Answer:
Assalamu Alaykum,
Self-respect does not come by showing an arrogant attitude, rather it comes by remaining loyal to those principles that deserve respect.
‘Being nice to others’ as one of the pillars of morals and morality (akhlaq) should dominate our attitude towards others. Being arrogant towards people in order to keep our respect, is against the rules of morality.
I try to give an example:
1. Zaid is in the company of some friends. They keep joking and laughing and in this they have gone into extremes. They also try to involve Zayd in the action. Zaid, in order to keep his respect, shouts at them and shows them a very angry face.
2. Same scenario as above, however this time Zaid instead of shouting at them, tries to change the topic and invite others to talk about something more serious, and if he found that this does not work, he only keeps silent and while smiling humbly lower his head, as a sign of not being involved in and not approving the action.
In scenario A, Zaid is reacting to what may be seen as a bad moral (too much laughing), with something that is definitely a bad moral (arrogantly shouting to friends). In scenario B, Zaid is simply keeping his principles while remaining moral in his attitude. Scenario A may result in short term respect out of fear, or to avoid getting into any conflict, but in long term it can easily back fire when Zaid’s friends consider him an unfriendly person. This itself may result in disrespecting him. Scenario B may be ignored by friends at the first instance, but as it keeps repeating, teaches a lesson to them in the mildest and most effective way and also gain respect for Zaid.
I repeat again, with a different wording:
We can gain and keep our respect not by arrogance, but by holding to those principles that deserve respect.
This 'holding to principles' rather than 'having an attitude' is that differentiating borderline in my view. The addressee of the first is the person himself and it indirectly addresses the others. The addressee of the second is others only.
In specific scenarios there is also another way of understanding the difference. Consider this example:
1. Zaid was a very respected teacher. A much better teacher has arrived. Zaid feels he is losing his respect as the new teacher is attracting all the attention. Zaid decides to behaves in a way so that all know who is the boss!
2. Same scenario as above. Zaid remains loyal to his principle, and therefore joins others by appreciating the qualities of the new teacher.
The 'holding attitude' approach in the first scenario is to gain an undeserved respect, while the 'holding on to principles' in the second scenario brings a deserved respect.
I hope the above is clear.
-------
September 2015
AssalaamuAlaiqum,
In many scenarios--specially family related--we are stuck in perplexed situations, where it's hard to differentiate what can be passed as something done out of self-respect or something as an attribute of arrogance. Since, arrogance is such a big deal in Islam, an honest Muslim tries to remain as far from it as possible. What measures can one take, to protect his self-respect at the same time not fall under the category of arrogance.
Thank You
Answer:
Assalamu Alaykum,
Self-respect does not come by showing an arrogant attitude, rather it comes by remaining loyal to those principles that deserve respect.
‘Being nice to others’ as one of the pillars of morals and morality (akhlaq) should dominate our attitude towards others. Being arrogant towards people in order to keep our respect, is against the rules of morality.
I try to give an example:
1. Zaid is in the company of some friends. They keep joking and laughing and in this they have gone into extremes. They also try to involve Zayd in the action. Zaid, in order to keep his respect, shouts at them and shows them a very angry face.
2. Same scenario as above, however this time Zaid instead of shouting at them, tries to change the topic and invite others to talk about something more serious, and if he found that this does not work, he only keeps silent and while smiling humbly lower his head, as a sign of not being involved in and not approving the action.
In scenario A, Zaid is reacting to what may be seen as a bad moral (too much laughing), with something that is definitely a bad moral (arrogantly shouting to friends). In scenario B, Zaid is simply keeping his principles while remaining moral in his attitude. Scenario A may result in short term respect out of fear, or to avoid getting into any conflict, but in long term it can easily back fire when Zaid’s friends consider him an unfriendly person. This itself may result in disrespecting him. Scenario B may be ignored by friends at the first instance, but as it keeps repeating, teaches a lesson to them in the mildest and most effective way and also gain respect for Zaid.
I repeat again, with a different wording:
We can gain and keep our respect not by arrogance, but by holding to those principles that deserve respect.
This 'holding to principles' rather than 'having an attitude' is that differentiating borderline in my view. The addressee of the first is the person himself and it indirectly addresses the others. The addressee of the second is others only.
In specific scenarios there is also another way of understanding the difference. Consider this example:
1. Zaid was a very respected teacher. A much better teacher has arrived. Zaid feels he is losing his respect as the new teacher is attracting all the attention. Zaid decides to behaves in a way so that all know who is the boss!
2. Same scenario as above. Zaid remains loyal to his principle, and therefore joins others by appreciating the qualities of the new teacher.
The 'holding attitude' approach in the first scenario is to gain an undeserved respect, while the 'holding on to principles' in the second scenario brings a deserved respect.
I hope the above is clear.
-------
September 2015
