I converted to Islam, now what?!
Question:
Hi
i am a female living in Europe and I want to convert to Islam and dedicate my life to doing what I should according to the Quran. I pray 5 times a day and wear modest clothing. I try to be a good person and help and support friends and be kind and gentle. My family and friends will not accept my new religion and will find me odd for choosing Islam. I love that family is extremely important in Islam and that was one of the things that drew me to Islam and not any other. I admire that. And I really like that muslim men have to be respectful to women (and women to men of course) which is something I never really experienced. I find the meaning and bond between men and women to be very beautiful and meaningful in the Quran.
But like I said my family will give me a hard time and accusing me of doing this for the wrong reasons. Maybe even disowning me. I just need someone to guide me and tell me that I’m on the right path. I’m still new to Islam, I have read a lot of books about modern Islam, the woman and Islam etc. and it’s all very interesting but I don’t know exactly what I am (as a women) required to do on a daily basis, besides praying and being kind and gentle?
Answer:
Hi and Salam,
Before answering your question I need to invite your attention to a very important point: please do consider that my views on Islam are not at all representative of the orthodox or majority of Muslims. Since you are new to Islam it will not be fair to you if I do not make this clear. Therefore, while I try to answer your question, I highly recommend that you also seek answer from more traditional scholars of Islam (e.g. https://islamqa.info/en/sendq) as well as more modern ones who are still adopting the traditional paradigm (e.g. http://www.al-mawrid.org/index.php/questions/ask).
The first thing to appreciate is what ‘converting to Islam’ actually means. In my understanding ‘converting to Islam’ means that the person has decided to work on his/her spirituality by adopting the framework given in Islam.
So then two further questions can arise. One, what does working on spirituality mean in the context of Islam and two, what the framework of Islam is.
- Working on spirituality means that you try to purify your soul. According to Islam (and many other religions and ideologies) this purification of soul is the only criteria that determines your status in the hereafter (91:9) and the whole purpose of the religion of Islam is to help people with that (2:129, 151). This is achieved by improving your relationship in three dimensions:
This is where I think there can be a solution to the problem of your family's reaction to your conversion. As I see it, as long as your family and friends too care about their spirituality (even if they have their own 'non-spiritual' definition for spirituality) then you are all on a right path or are trying to be on a right path. The point is, every individual has the right to decide which right path works better for him/her. You have decided that the path of Islam works better for you. If God wanted all human beings to follow the same path then He would have facilitated that Himself. He didn't want it and He appreciates different paths towards Him (5:48). In other words, even after your conversion, the difference between the path that you chose and the one that your family and friends have chosen may not be as huge as it seems to be.
- The next question will be, what the framework of Islam is. This of course is a matter of extensive research and discussion, however I think the outline of this framework can be explained briefly by covering the following headings:
a. the essential beliefs
b. the scenario
c. the desired deeds and attitudes
d. the supporting laws
e. the appropriate etiquettes and customs
Note, I am not claiming that the above are categorically the components of Islam. I am simply using the above headings to explain the outline of the framework of Islam as I understand it:
a. The essential beliefs:
Based on verse 2:285 and verse 4:136, in the framework of Islam you will strengthen your belief in the following:
b. The scenario:
As it is illustrated in Islam, this world is a place of challenge for us to become better by repenting from spiritual weaknesses (note in this context spiritual weaknesses includes moral weaknesses) and improving in spirituality (that in this context includes morality). The better we become in this, the better will be our status in the hereafter.
According to Islam, as I understand it, no human beings will be held responsible for things that were beyond their capabilities. Any belief held and any acts done with all honesty (unless it involves oppressing or harming others) will be either accepted or (where being false) forgiven in the hereafter (2:286, 5:119).
c. The desired deeds and attitudes:
Believing in God also has practical implications. If we believe in God as the source of perfection, then we should aim to get closer to Him. We can only do this by making sure that we like what He likes and dislike what He dislikes. Being the ultimate perfect being, God likes what is Good and dislikes what is Bad (24:35, 35:10; 59:24; 91:7-10; 7:157).
This then takes us back to the above three relationships. By being good in these three relationships we are valuing the same things that God values, we become better human beings and we become closer to God.
Improving in spirituality is in the same three relationships that I listed above. To fulfil the above three relationships the framework of Islam has provided some advice and guidelines, many of which are simply reminder for what we already know or should know.
Some of these are as follows:
d. the supporting laws
Then, to help fulfilling the above objectives, Islam has given Muslims a system of Law. This system of law was given based on the norms and the socio cultural structure of the time among the Arabs in the Arabian Peninsula. In principle, the part of the law about our relationship with God (first dimension) and our relationship with ourselves (second dimension) pretty much remains the same in different Muslim societies and is not normally affected as time passes. This is while the part of the law about our relationship with our environment (third dimension) may vary and evolve based on different societies and as time passes. In other words, in order to serve the purpose of the law, we may find that some of the law in this category (relationship with our environment) needs to be adjusted or adapted.
1. To improve our relationship with God: the form of the shari’ah (law) for worship, including the form of prayers, fasting, hajj, etc.
2. To improve our relationship with ourselves: the form of the shari’ah for our own discipline, including forbiddance of pork, intoxicates, lewdness, rules related to dietary, oaths and atonements, etc.
3. To improve our relationship with the environment around us: the form of the shari’ah for social and public affairs, including rules related to zakah, marriage, divorce, inheritance, conditions of jihad (fighting to curb persecution), the penal law, forbiddance of usury, adultery, gambling, etc.
e. the appropriate etiquettes and customs
Apart from the above, there are also some etiquettes and customs that likje some of the above laws have been part of the established sunnah (religious practices established or restored by the prophet – pbuh). These are things like saying the name of God when starting to eat, saluting others by wishing them peace and wellbeing (salam) and responding such salutation in the same way or better, saying Gratitude to God (alhamdulillah) after sneezing and praying for God’s mercy on one who says that, remaining physically clean, celebrating Eids and following the rituals of these days (the two Eids in Islam are the first of Shawwal and the 10th of Zilhajjah, based on Muslim lunar calendar), etc. You can find more details on Islamic etiquettes and customs here.
**********
So overall, with beliefs and deeds like the above and inline with the above, a Muslim will try to reach high levels of piety, personality and morality (altogether I refer to this as high level of spirituality). If done well, then the person will reach a state where he/she will feel peace, confidence and tranquillity. Not only that, with his/her way of life and behavior he/she will become a natural role model for those who know him/her. Such person will see and feel God's blessing in everything and will be a cause of God's blessing every where he/she goes. Such person will be a really 'happy' person who makes the most out of this life, appreciating every moment, while also looking forward for the hereafter.
Perhaps the last thing that I can bring to your attention is that the main sources of understanding Islam, after rationality, are the Qur’an and the Established Sunnah (that is those religious practices that have been restored or established by the prophet – pbuh – and therefore you find that every practicing Muslim, disregard of their school of thought, agree to them). Any other sources, like hadith (narrations from the prophet – pbuh) or scholarly views (even if they are held by the majority of scholars) are only secondary sources that should be verified in the light of rationality and consequently and accordingly in the light of the Qur’an and the Established Sunnah.
You may feel overwhelmed by all the above. Let it be, where it encourages you and don’t let it be where it worries you or discourages you. As stated at the start of this answer, all that counts is our work to purify ourselves as much as we can. The above are all to help with that. It is then based on each individual to decide, based on his/her understanding of Islam, how exactly he/she wants to practice the above.
Do consider that apart from the prophet himself (pbuh) no Muslim and no Muslim scholar (no matter how knowledgable) is the representative of Islam. Any understanding of Islam, including what I wrote above, is simply an individual’s or a school of thought’s understanding. You have every right to keep educating yourself and to develop your own understanding of Islam.
--------
Farhad Shafti
December 2017
Hi
i am a female living in Europe and I want to convert to Islam and dedicate my life to doing what I should according to the Quran. I pray 5 times a day and wear modest clothing. I try to be a good person and help and support friends and be kind and gentle. My family and friends will not accept my new religion and will find me odd for choosing Islam. I love that family is extremely important in Islam and that was one of the things that drew me to Islam and not any other. I admire that. And I really like that muslim men have to be respectful to women (and women to men of course) which is something I never really experienced. I find the meaning and bond between men and women to be very beautiful and meaningful in the Quran.
But like I said my family will give me a hard time and accusing me of doing this for the wrong reasons. Maybe even disowning me. I just need someone to guide me and tell me that I’m on the right path. I’m still new to Islam, I have read a lot of books about modern Islam, the woman and Islam etc. and it’s all very interesting but I don’t know exactly what I am (as a women) required to do on a daily basis, besides praying and being kind and gentle?
Answer:
Hi and Salam,
Before answering your question I need to invite your attention to a very important point: please do consider that my views on Islam are not at all representative of the orthodox or majority of Muslims. Since you are new to Islam it will not be fair to you if I do not make this clear. Therefore, while I try to answer your question, I highly recommend that you also seek answer from more traditional scholars of Islam (e.g. https://islamqa.info/en/sendq) as well as more modern ones who are still adopting the traditional paradigm (e.g. http://www.al-mawrid.org/index.php/questions/ask).
The first thing to appreciate is what ‘converting to Islam’ actually means. In my understanding ‘converting to Islam’ means that the person has decided to work on his/her spirituality by adopting the framework given in Islam.
So then two further questions can arise. One, what does working on spirituality mean in the context of Islam and two, what the framework of Islam is.
- Working on spirituality means that you try to purify your soul. According to Islam (and many other religions and ideologies) this purification of soul is the only criteria that determines your status in the hereafter (91:9) and the whole purpose of the religion of Islam is to help people with that (2:129, 151). This is achieved by improving your relationship in three dimensions:
- Your relationship with God. This is what normally people refer to as becoming spiritually elevated.
- Your relationship with yourself. This is what normally people refer to as piety.
- Your relationship with the environment around you (environment itself, animals, human beings). This is what normally people refer to as morality.
This is where I think there can be a solution to the problem of your family's reaction to your conversion. As I see it, as long as your family and friends too care about their spirituality (even if they have their own 'non-spiritual' definition for spirituality) then you are all on a right path or are trying to be on a right path. The point is, every individual has the right to decide which right path works better for him/her. You have decided that the path of Islam works better for you. If God wanted all human beings to follow the same path then He would have facilitated that Himself. He didn't want it and He appreciates different paths towards Him (5:48). In other words, even after your conversion, the difference between the path that you chose and the one that your family and friends have chosen may not be as huge as it seems to be.
- The next question will be, what the framework of Islam is. This of course is a matter of extensive research and discussion, however I think the outline of this framework can be explained briefly by covering the following headings:
a. the essential beliefs
b. the scenario
c. the desired deeds and attitudes
d. the supporting laws
e. the appropriate etiquettes and customs
Note, I am not claiming that the above are categorically the components of Islam. I am simply using the above headings to explain the outline of the framework of Islam as I understand it:
a. The essential beliefs:
Based on verse 2:285 and verse 4:136, in the framework of Islam you will strengthen your belief in the following:
- God (as the one and only creator and lord)
- Angels (which in general imply believing in what cannot be seen or felt by our material senses)
- Hereafter where a person will be rewarded for his/her good deeds and punished for his/her bad deeds
- Revealed Books of God, Mainly Torah, Injil (what is remained form these books is now in the form of Bible) and the Qur’an
- Prophets of God, in particular prophet Muhammad (pbuh) as the last prophet
b. The scenario:
As it is illustrated in Islam, this world is a place of challenge for us to become better by repenting from spiritual weaknesses (note in this context spiritual weaknesses includes moral weaknesses) and improving in spirituality (that in this context includes morality). The better we become in this, the better will be our status in the hereafter.
According to Islam, as I understand it, no human beings will be held responsible for things that were beyond their capabilities. Any belief held and any acts done with all honesty (unless it involves oppressing or harming others) will be either accepted or (where being false) forgiven in the hereafter (2:286, 5:119).
c. The desired deeds and attitudes:
Believing in God also has practical implications. If we believe in God as the source of perfection, then we should aim to get closer to Him. We can only do this by making sure that we like what He likes and dislike what He dislikes. Being the ultimate perfect being, God likes what is Good and dislikes what is Bad (24:35, 35:10; 59:24; 91:7-10; 7:157).
This then takes us back to the above three relationships. By being good in these three relationships we are valuing the same things that God values, we become better human beings and we become closer to God.
Improving in spirituality is in the same three relationships that I listed above. To fulfil the above three relationships the framework of Islam has provided some advice and guidelines, many of which are simply reminder for what we already know or should know.
Some of these are as follows:
- To improve our relationship with God:
- Performing daily obligatory prayers and non-obligatory prayers (23:2, 9 among many other verses)
- Fasting during the month of Ramadhan and if possible voluntarily at some other times (2:183, 33:35)
- Performing Hajj (3:97)
- Reminding ourselves of God (24:37, 33:35 among many other verses)
- Reciting the Qur’an (73:20)
- … (and any other measures that can help with this as long as it does not imply forging an act of worship as part of the religion)
- To improve our relationship with ourselves
- Having patience (2:153, 155-157, 2:177, 38:44, 103:3)
- Being a chaste and a modest person and staying away from lewdness, including adultery (6:151, 17:32 and many other verses)
- Veracity, that is, remaining loyal to the truth in intentions, words and deeds (33:23, 70)
- Not to engage in worthless things (23:3)
- … (and any other principles of self-discipline that makes one a stronger and a better person)
- To improve our relationship with the environment around us
- Being extra ordinarily good to parents and neighbours (4:36, 6:151, 17:23)
- Advising others to do good and to avoid doing bad things and advising others to the truth (9:71, 103:1-3)
- Paying zakah (due tax) as well as paying for charity and needy (9:71 among many other verses)
- Remaining loyal to our promises, agreements and what we are trusted with (23:8)
- Standing for the truth and justice (4:135, 5:8)
- To be good to others and not to oppress anyone (90:16, 42:40)
- Being just in our businesses (17:35)
- Not being arrogant in our behaviour (17:37, 31:18)
- Not following speculations (17:36)
- Avoiding backbiting (49:12)
- … (and any other righteous deeds)
d. the supporting laws
Then, to help fulfilling the above objectives, Islam has given Muslims a system of Law. This system of law was given based on the norms and the socio cultural structure of the time among the Arabs in the Arabian Peninsula. In principle, the part of the law about our relationship with God (first dimension) and our relationship with ourselves (second dimension) pretty much remains the same in different Muslim societies and is not normally affected as time passes. This is while the part of the law about our relationship with our environment (third dimension) may vary and evolve based on different societies and as time passes. In other words, in order to serve the purpose of the law, we may find that some of the law in this category (relationship with our environment) needs to be adjusted or adapted.
1. To improve our relationship with God: the form of the shari’ah (law) for worship, including the form of prayers, fasting, hajj, etc.
2. To improve our relationship with ourselves: the form of the shari’ah for our own discipline, including forbiddance of pork, intoxicates, lewdness, rules related to dietary, oaths and atonements, etc.
3. To improve our relationship with the environment around us: the form of the shari’ah for social and public affairs, including rules related to zakah, marriage, divorce, inheritance, conditions of jihad (fighting to curb persecution), the penal law, forbiddance of usury, adultery, gambling, etc.
e. the appropriate etiquettes and customs
Apart from the above, there are also some etiquettes and customs that likje some of the above laws have been part of the established sunnah (religious practices established or restored by the prophet – pbuh). These are things like saying the name of God when starting to eat, saluting others by wishing them peace and wellbeing (salam) and responding such salutation in the same way or better, saying Gratitude to God (alhamdulillah) after sneezing and praying for God’s mercy on one who says that, remaining physically clean, celebrating Eids and following the rituals of these days (the two Eids in Islam are the first of Shawwal and the 10th of Zilhajjah, based on Muslim lunar calendar), etc. You can find more details on Islamic etiquettes and customs here.
**********
So overall, with beliefs and deeds like the above and inline with the above, a Muslim will try to reach high levels of piety, personality and morality (altogether I refer to this as high level of spirituality). If done well, then the person will reach a state where he/she will feel peace, confidence and tranquillity. Not only that, with his/her way of life and behavior he/she will become a natural role model for those who know him/her. Such person will see and feel God's blessing in everything and will be a cause of God's blessing every where he/she goes. Such person will be a really 'happy' person who makes the most out of this life, appreciating every moment, while also looking forward for the hereafter.
Perhaps the last thing that I can bring to your attention is that the main sources of understanding Islam, after rationality, are the Qur’an and the Established Sunnah (that is those religious practices that have been restored or established by the prophet – pbuh – and therefore you find that every practicing Muslim, disregard of their school of thought, agree to them). Any other sources, like hadith (narrations from the prophet – pbuh) or scholarly views (even if they are held by the majority of scholars) are only secondary sources that should be verified in the light of rationality and consequently and accordingly in the light of the Qur’an and the Established Sunnah.
You may feel overwhelmed by all the above. Let it be, where it encourages you and don’t let it be where it worries you or discourages you. As stated at the start of this answer, all that counts is our work to purify ourselves as much as we can. The above are all to help with that. It is then based on each individual to decide, based on his/her understanding of Islam, how exactly he/she wants to practice the above.
Do consider that apart from the prophet himself (pbuh) no Muslim and no Muslim scholar (no matter how knowledgable) is the representative of Islam. Any understanding of Islam, including what I wrote above, is simply an individual’s or a school of thought’s understanding. You have every right to keep educating yourself and to develop your own understanding of Islam.
--------
Farhad Shafti
December 2017
