Hadith on being equal in marriage
Question:
Do we have Ahadith which tell us that man and women, when marrying, have to be equal in terms of social and financial statuses? If not, then where did this Kufu condition come from?
Answer:
There are a few hadiths that suggest that the two sides of marriage need to be equivalent, however as far as I have seen, none of these hadiths have very reliable chain of narrators. For instance one is as follows:
ألا لا يـزوج النـساء إلا الأوليـاء، ولا يزوجوهن إلا من الأكفاء
Be aware the guardians marry women and they do not marry them but on the basis of being equivalent. (Daruqtuni, 3:196)
Even if we consider the totality of these hadiths to be reliable then we should understand that the prophet (pbuh) did not give a religious advice as a prophet here, but gave a social advice as the head of the state and the elder of his people. Looking at it from this perspective, this is the same advice that anyone would give for marriage, that in principle, marriage between two people who are of the same social and financial level normally works better. This is in particular a very reasonable advice in the tribal society of Arabs at the time, where there were complex dynamics between the tribes.
However, when it comes to the religious perspective, then the advice from the prophet (pbuh) is narrated as follows:
تُنْكحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأرْبَعٍ: لمالها ولِحَسَبها ولِجَمَالها وَلدينها: فَاظْفَرْ بذاتِ الدِّينِ تَربَتْ يَدَاكَ
A woman is married for four reasons, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her piety. So you should marry the pious woman otherwise you will be losers.
(Narrated in Bukhari & Muslim, book of marriage)
Another hadith is as follows:
إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه ، إلا تفعلوه ، تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبير . قالوا : يا رسول الله ! وإن كان فيه ؟ فقال : إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه ، ثلاث مرات
'If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and great mischief'. They said: 'O Messenger of God, even if he is such and such?' He said: 'If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry to him', three times. (Tirmidhi, 1085)
The above is of course all very expected, in a religion with a guide book that says:
يا أيها الناس إنا خلقناكم من ذكر وأنثى وجعلناكم شعوبا وقبائل لتعارفوا إن أكرمكم عند الله أتقاكم
O people we created you from male and female and put you on branches and groups so that you may come to know each other, the best of you before God is the most pious among you. (49:13)
also:
... إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ
Verily believers are brothers ... (49:10)
We also have a number of examples of how the prophet (pbuh) himself encouraged and facilitated marriage between people coming from very different backgrounds. For instance the prophet (pbuh) married Zaynab bint Jahish to his freed slave, Zaid, and Bilal, to the sister of Abd al-Rahman ibn Auf.
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September 2015
Do we have Ahadith which tell us that man and women, when marrying, have to be equal in terms of social and financial statuses? If not, then where did this Kufu condition come from?
Answer:
There are a few hadiths that suggest that the two sides of marriage need to be equivalent, however as far as I have seen, none of these hadiths have very reliable chain of narrators. For instance one is as follows:
ألا لا يـزوج النـساء إلا الأوليـاء، ولا يزوجوهن إلا من الأكفاء
Be aware the guardians marry women and they do not marry them but on the basis of being equivalent. (Daruqtuni, 3:196)
Even if we consider the totality of these hadiths to be reliable then we should understand that the prophet (pbuh) did not give a religious advice as a prophet here, but gave a social advice as the head of the state and the elder of his people. Looking at it from this perspective, this is the same advice that anyone would give for marriage, that in principle, marriage between two people who are of the same social and financial level normally works better. This is in particular a very reasonable advice in the tribal society of Arabs at the time, where there were complex dynamics between the tribes.
However, when it comes to the religious perspective, then the advice from the prophet (pbuh) is narrated as follows:
تُنْكحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأرْبَعٍ: لمالها ولِحَسَبها ولِجَمَالها وَلدينها: فَاظْفَرْ بذاتِ الدِّينِ تَربَتْ يَدَاكَ
A woman is married for four reasons, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her piety. So you should marry the pious woman otherwise you will be losers.
(Narrated in Bukhari & Muslim, book of marriage)
Another hadith is as follows:
إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه ، إلا تفعلوه ، تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبير . قالوا : يا رسول الله ! وإن كان فيه ؟ فقال : إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه ، ثلاث مرات
'If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and great mischief'. They said: 'O Messenger of God, even if he is such and such?' He said: 'If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry to him', three times. (Tirmidhi, 1085)
The above is of course all very expected, in a religion with a guide book that says:
يا أيها الناس إنا خلقناكم من ذكر وأنثى وجعلناكم شعوبا وقبائل لتعارفوا إن أكرمكم عند الله أتقاكم
O people we created you from male and female and put you on branches and groups so that you may come to know each other, the best of you before God is the most pious among you. (49:13)
also:
... إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ
Verily believers are brothers ... (49:10)
We also have a number of examples of how the prophet (pbuh) himself encouraged and facilitated marriage between people coming from very different backgrounds. For instance the prophet (pbuh) married Zaynab bint Jahish to his freed slave, Zaid, and Bilal, to the sister of Abd al-Rahman ibn Auf.
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September 2015
