Ruling on Divorce Out of Anger
Question:
Salam alaykom,
My husband and I have often argued to the point of getting physical. He have many times said he divorce me, and immediately after the anger subsides apologized and told me he regret what he said, and he wouldn't have said it if he wasn't in a state of anger. Is such a divorce valid?
Now, he has said it again for the third serious time, and I am devastated. He said it in anger, in a fight, but he insists that we are divorced because he doesn't feel we are going anywhere in this relationship. The last time happened in october 2013 and at that time I observed iddah for 1 month until he regretted it and took me back. The first time was in december 2012 during a very serious fight, he took it back the next day (or maybe a few days passed, I cannot remember exactly, but I did not knowingly observe iddah because I thought it didn't count since he said it in anger, although he thought he meant it at the time he was angry).
Could you please tell me if we are irrevocably divorced or not?
Answer:
Alaykum Assalam,
There are two levels of being angry. One is when the person says something out of anger and almost immediately says he never meant it. The other one is when a person says something because he is angry and later he feels sorry about it.
Pronouncing divorce in the first case does not count because this is a state of anger in which the person may say many things unintentionally and without truly mean them.
However pronouncing divorce in the second case counts, since here the intention was there, although the person felt sorry later. Pronouncing divorce is normally due to not being happy with the relationship and the state of not being happy can easily take a shape of angriness. If we say that pronouncing divorce in this state of anger never counts that we are practically ruling out vast majority of real intentions for divorce.
It is not easy for me to accurately judge about your situation. However looking at the words that you have put in your question (e.g. returning to you after a day or a month) it appears to me that your case is the latter one. Which means the intention of divorce did take place in the last three times for you.
This means, according to the form of the Shari’ah directed in the Qur’an, your husband can no longer keep you as his wife and the divorce is effective after Iddah. The only way that he can now return to you is if you genuinely marry another man and then later this ends with divorce.
I would consider this as a punishment for a husband who loses his control and goes to extremes when he is in the state of anger.
Please note that what I wrote is based on a very brief information that you gave me. It is easy to write a few lines like this without realising how it may affect a family for ever. I therefore request that if there are any other details that you feel may affect my understanding and my answer to your question, then please do not hesitate to share them with me.
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February 2014
Salam alaykom,
My husband and I have often argued to the point of getting physical. He have many times said he divorce me, and immediately after the anger subsides apologized and told me he regret what he said, and he wouldn't have said it if he wasn't in a state of anger. Is such a divorce valid?
Now, he has said it again for the third serious time, and I am devastated. He said it in anger, in a fight, but he insists that we are divorced because he doesn't feel we are going anywhere in this relationship. The last time happened in october 2013 and at that time I observed iddah for 1 month until he regretted it and took me back. The first time was in december 2012 during a very serious fight, he took it back the next day (or maybe a few days passed, I cannot remember exactly, but I did not knowingly observe iddah because I thought it didn't count since he said it in anger, although he thought he meant it at the time he was angry).
Could you please tell me if we are irrevocably divorced or not?
Answer:
Alaykum Assalam,
There are two levels of being angry. One is when the person says something out of anger and almost immediately says he never meant it. The other one is when a person says something because he is angry and later he feels sorry about it.
Pronouncing divorce in the first case does not count because this is a state of anger in which the person may say many things unintentionally and without truly mean them.
However pronouncing divorce in the second case counts, since here the intention was there, although the person felt sorry later. Pronouncing divorce is normally due to not being happy with the relationship and the state of not being happy can easily take a shape of angriness. If we say that pronouncing divorce in this state of anger never counts that we are practically ruling out vast majority of real intentions for divorce.
It is not easy for me to accurately judge about your situation. However looking at the words that you have put in your question (e.g. returning to you after a day or a month) it appears to me that your case is the latter one. Which means the intention of divorce did take place in the last three times for you.
This means, according to the form of the Shari’ah directed in the Qur’an, your husband can no longer keep you as his wife and the divorce is effective after Iddah. The only way that he can now return to you is if you genuinely marry another man and then later this ends with divorce.
I would consider this as a punishment for a husband who loses his control and goes to extremes when he is in the state of anger.
Please note that what I wrote is based on a very brief information that you gave me. It is easy to write a few lines like this without realising how it may affect a family for ever. I therefore request that if there are any other details that you feel may affect my understanding and my answer to your question, then please do not hesitate to share them with me.
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February 2014
