Sexual Relationship before Marriage
Question:
I have some confusion about this, why is this act seen as a sin/dirty that will send you to hell, when it is this same act that allows us to reproduce and is an act of love. My question is why is this haram before marriage?
The case which I'm talking about and see around me in this western society includes especially young adults who are simply not ready for marriage (due to studies and especially for this generation marriage comes much later than traditional culture) but are fully committed to each other and are planning to get married eventually... and if they do not then they loved each other for that period of time?
Can you explain as you always so eloquently do. Thanks
Answer:
We first need to appreciate what marriage means in accordance to the Qur'an. What constitutes marriage according to Islam is a male and female relationship that fulfills the following conditions:
1. Both parties (i.e. male and female) have consent to live together as a members of a family
2. Both parties have intention to live with each other as members of a family for the rest of their life, while appreciating that if things do not go the way they expected, they may need to separate from each other.
3. The above has been made public, meaning the concerned community (e.g. close friends, relatives) know about it.
In principle, any relationship between a man and a woman that fulfills the above criteria can be called marriage, as far as Islam concerns. There are then other requirements and regulations that make this marriage a marriage according to the Shari'ah of Islam, as revealed by the Prophet (pbuh).
Now that we appreciate what marriage (in principle) is according to Islam, we can look at two things, why the above conditions are essential according to Islam and what types of relationship in the western countries at our time fulfill the above conditions:
- Why the above conditions are essential:
Islam looks at the family as a social unit that contributes into the health and the progression of the society. Removing any of the above conditions from a relationship will cause a negative effect in the family and consequently in the society:
1. Forcing a man or a woman to start a serious relationship without their consent is against justice and will most probably result in an unhappy and unhealthy family which then affects the society.
2. If the two parties have intention to stay with each other only for a limited period of time this will affect the children that may be born in this social unit. Even if no children are born, still this kind of temporary relationship can encourage lewdness in the society which contributes into moral corruption.
3. Human being is a social unit. A healthy relationship is one that is known by those who are associated with the two parties. Hiding a relationship in most cases indicates that the relationship is not acceptable by the society, which then goes against the harmony and the integration that is required in between the family and the bigger society.
- What types of relationship in the western countries at our time fulfill the above conditions:
In the western societies, in a broad sense, it is possible to recognize the following types of relationship between male and female:
a. legal marriage
b. partnership with no predetermind time limit
c. partnership with a predetermind time limit
d. occasional or short term sexual relationship
Based on the above mentioned three main elements of a marriage, types A and B are acceptable while types C and D are not.
You wrote:
"why is this (sexual relationship) haram before marriage?"
Based on what I wrote above I can reword your question as follows:
"Why is sexual relationship haram when the male or female do not have consent, or do not want to live together for the rest of their lives or do not want to make this relationship public".
I have already explained this in the above writing.
Referring to Western societies you wrote:
"young adults who are simply not ready for marriage (due to studies and especially for this generation marriage comes much later than traditional culture) but are fully committed to each other and are planning to get married eventually"
This to me is the same as the category B above and therefore I do not consider such relationship to be against the principles of marriage as set by Islam. In many cases, the couple who are in permanent relationship in the West and are not interested in legal marriage are simply trying to avoid some complicated legal consequences of marriage in the West or are simply not bothered to register their relationship with the state.
I tried to cover the main points in my answer. I appreciate that there are other details and issues that may be related to this discussion, like other possible categories of relationships in the western society or exceptional or special circumstances. I can share my further and more detailed views on any of these if needed.
---------------
July 2013
I have some confusion about this, why is this act seen as a sin/dirty that will send you to hell, when it is this same act that allows us to reproduce and is an act of love. My question is why is this haram before marriage?
The case which I'm talking about and see around me in this western society includes especially young adults who are simply not ready for marriage (due to studies and especially for this generation marriage comes much later than traditional culture) but are fully committed to each other and are planning to get married eventually... and if they do not then they loved each other for that period of time?
Can you explain as you always so eloquently do. Thanks
Answer:
We first need to appreciate what marriage means in accordance to the Qur'an. What constitutes marriage according to Islam is a male and female relationship that fulfills the following conditions:
1. Both parties (i.e. male and female) have consent to live together as a members of a family
2. Both parties have intention to live with each other as members of a family for the rest of their life, while appreciating that if things do not go the way they expected, they may need to separate from each other.
3. The above has been made public, meaning the concerned community (e.g. close friends, relatives) know about it.
In principle, any relationship between a man and a woman that fulfills the above criteria can be called marriage, as far as Islam concerns. There are then other requirements and regulations that make this marriage a marriage according to the Shari'ah of Islam, as revealed by the Prophet (pbuh).
Now that we appreciate what marriage (in principle) is according to Islam, we can look at two things, why the above conditions are essential according to Islam and what types of relationship in the western countries at our time fulfill the above conditions:
- Why the above conditions are essential:
Islam looks at the family as a social unit that contributes into the health and the progression of the society. Removing any of the above conditions from a relationship will cause a negative effect in the family and consequently in the society:
1. Forcing a man or a woman to start a serious relationship without their consent is against justice and will most probably result in an unhappy and unhealthy family which then affects the society.
2. If the two parties have intention to stay with each other only for a limited period of time this will affect the children that may be born in this social unit. Even if no children are born, still this kind of temporary relationship can encourage lewdness in the society which contributes into moral corruption.
3. Human being is a social unit. A healthy relationship is one that is known by those who are associated with the two parties. Hiding a relationship in most cases indicates that the relationship is not acceptable by the society, which then goes against the harmony and the integration that is required in between the family and the bigger society.
- What types of relationship in the western countries at our time fulfill the above conditions:
In the western societies, in a broad sense, it is possible to recognize the following types of relationship between male and female:
a. legal marriage
b. partnership with no predetermind time limit
c. partnership with a predetermind time limit
d. occasional or short term sexual relationship
Based on the above mentioned three main elements of a marriage, types A and B are acceptable while types C and D are not.
You wrote:
"why is this (sexual relationship) haram before marriage?"
Based on what I wrote above I can reword your question as follows:
"Why is sexual relationship haram when the male or female do not have consent, or do not want to live together for the rest of their lives or do not want to make this relationship public".
I have already explained this in the above writing.
Referring to Western societies you wrote:
"young adults who are simply not ready for marriage (due to studies and especially for this generation marriage comes much later than traditional culture) but are fully committed to each other and are planning to get married eventually"
This to me is the same as the category B above and therefore I do not consider such relationship to be against the principles of marriage as set by Islam. In many cases, the couple who are in permanent relationship in the West and are not interested in legal marriage are simply trying to avoid some complicated legal consequences of marriage in the West or are simply not bothered to register their relationship with the state.
I tried to cover the main points in my answer. I appreciate that there are other details and issues that may be related to this discussion, like other possible categories of relationships in the western society or exceptional or special circumstances. I can share my further and more detailed views on any of these if needed.
---------------
July 2013