Way of Being Forgiven by Allah Ta'ala
Question:
When I was just 13 year old, I had committed gay sex with my friends who were also in my age. There was nothing into our mind to do or not to do that. But today when I realised that big sin of my life just begging forgiveness from Allah into my every dua. I did't perform that activity since that time to till date. But still doing masturbation. I did't perform sex due to fear of Allah, but such bad activity still destroying me.
Please help me to move out from that hell and advice me how to beg forgiveness from Allah for those sins.
Answer:
It is clear from your writing that you are fully sorry about what you did and that you regret it. Being sorry about committing a sin and regretting it is the core element of repenting because that implies (and should mean) that the person does not commit that sin any more. This is all that God requires from a sinner (unless of course the sin involved taking away the right of others, which is not your case).
What remains, based on your question, is the memory of that sin which disturbs you and its effect which seems to be be still playing with your mind and soul.
I am going to suggest a specific course of action that may help. I am going to write this in a generic way and with a bit of elaboration in a hope that it may be helpful for others (including myself):
1. Determine a day which is not going to be too far. This should be a day that you have plenty of free time and privacy. Call this day your Repenting day.
2. At that day find a time when you will be alone and not disturbed. Take a shower to refresh yourself and then perform ablution, then sit down on your prayer mat and talk with God. In your talk first confess to what you have done and then tell Him how much you are sorry and that how much you love him and that how much you want to return to Him in the cleanest possible way. Take as much time as you want. Then end this with a 2 Rak'ah (units) prayer and once you completed it say Istiqfar (the statement of seeking forgiveness, that in Arabic will be Astaghfir Allah Rabbi Wa Atubu Elayh). Say this a number of times so that it settles in your heart.
3. This then should be the start of a period of controlling yourself against any intimating thoughts. Set a period of time for yourself, and promise yourself that you will not allow yourself to lose the control in this period. You will very specifically make it clear to yourself that exactly on what things you want to control and restrain yourself. Don't aim too high. Only pick a few things that you think you will be able to manage. This period of time needs to be long enough so that you can make sure that you have come back in control with regard to those things that you choose. At the same time it should not be too long in a way that you forget that you are going through a special treatment period. I suggest anything between a month to a year.
4. During this time period you should consider yourself in a rehab situation where you do not allow yourself to go even near losing control with regard to those things that you decided to control. During this time you will start every day with reminding yourself of what you are trying to control and at the end of every day you evaluate if you were successful. During this period you will do an extra daily act of worship that could remind you of your determination and support you in this. This can be an additional prayer you may read at a certain time of the day or night, or can be a longer than normal prostration during which you will say some Zikr (remembrance of God). During this time you no longer allow your memories of the sins you committed to come back to you. If they do come back do not fight them but try to distract yourself. Continuously ask God to help you with your decision to control yourself.
5. During this period you also need to make sure that you keep the basics intact: Read your obligatory prayers as much as possible on time, read non-obligatory prayers on a regular basis, read certain verses of the Qur'an while understanding their apparent meaning on a daily basis.
6. If it happened that you lose control during this period, then it can be two possibilities: It can be a minor fault, or a major one. If it was minor then repent and increase the acts of worship in the next few days that follows. If it is major then you have lost it totally. You need to repent and start the time period again. Definition of what is a minor fault and what is a major one is your own job.
7. Once you finished this period then you will promise to yourself that you will not go back to the same state again. This will be your celebration day. Treat yourself with something legitimate. If you wish, you can then start another period where you try to control yourself in other things.
Things that will assist with the above:
- Do not spend much time alone
- Have a company of good friends, avoid those who may cause you break your promises to yourself
- Have daily plans and get engaged in fruitful activities which may be your job, education or any other thing
- Do exercise
- Get married (if you are not)!
Please do not take this as a prescription.This is simply based on the experience of people who have tried hard in purifying their soul. You can change any of the above to suit your conditions or preferences and you can in fact totally ignore it and adopt other ways that may help to feel more in peace within yourself. However what ever method you use, the common ground and principle is determination, patience connecting to God and progressing.
----------------
Related Topics:
- A Framework and an approach for Tazkiya (spiritual purification)
----------------
June 2013
When I was just 13 year old, I had committed gay sex with my friends who were also in my age. There was nothing into our mind to do or not to do that. But today when I realised that big sin of my life just begging forgiveness from Allah into my every dua. I did't perform that activity since that time to till date. But still doing masturbation. I did't perform sex due to fear of Allah, but such bad activity still destroying me.
Please help me to move out from that hell and advice me how to beg forgiveness from Allah for those sins.
Answer:
It is clear from your writing that you are fully sorry about what you did and that you regret it. Being sorry about committing a sin and regretting it is the core element of repenting because that implies (and should mean) that the person does not commit that sin any more. This is all that God requires from a sinner (unless of course the sin involved taking away the right of others, which is not your case).
What remains, based on your question, is the memory of that sin which disturbs you and its effect which seems to be be still playing with your mind and soul.
I am going to suggest a specific course of action that may help. I am going to write this in a generic way and with a bit of elaboration in a hope that it may be helpful for others (including myself):
1. Determine a day which is not going to be too far. This should be a day that you have plenty of free time and privacy. Call this day your Repenting day.
2. At that day find a time when you will be alone and not disturbed. Take a shower to refresh yourself and then perform ablution, then sit down on your prayer mat and talk with God. In your talk first confess to what you have done and then tell Him how much you are sorry and that how much you love him and that how much you want to return to Him in the cleanest possible way. Take as much time as you want. Then end this with a 2 Rak'ah (units) prayer and once you completed it say Istiqfar (the statement of seeking forgiveness, that in Arabic will be Astaghfir Allah Rabbi Wa Atubu Elayh). Say this a number of times so that it settles in your heart.
3. This then should be the start of a period of controlling yourself against any intimating thoughts. Set a period of time for yourself, and promise yourself that you will not allow yourself to lose the control in this period. You will very specifically make it clear to yourself that exactly on what things you want to control and restrain yourself. Don't aim too high. Only pick a few things that you think you will be able to manage. This period of time needs to be long enough so that you can make sure that you have come back in control with regard to those things that you choose. At the same time it should not be too long in a way that you forget that you are going through a special treatment period. I suggest anything between a month to a year.
4. During this time period you should consider yourself in a rehab situation where you do not allow yourself to go even near losing control with regard to those things that you decided to control. During this time you will start every day with reminding yourself of what you are trying to control and at the end of every day you evaluate if you were successful. During this period you will do an extra daily act of worship that could remind you of your determination and support you in this. This can be an additional prayer you may read at a certain time of the day or night, or can be a longer than normal prostration during which you will say some Zikr (remembrance of God). During this time you no longer allow your memories of the sins you committed to come back to you. If they do come back do not fight them but try to distract yourself. Continuously ask God to help you with your decision to control yourself.
5. During this period you also need to make sure that you keep the basics intact: Read your obligatory prayers as much as possible on time, read non-obligatory prayers on a regular basis, read certain verses of the Qur'an while understanding their apparent meaning on a daily basis.
6. If it happened that you lose control during this period, then it can be two possibilities: It can be a minor fault, or a major one. If it was minor then repent and increase the acts of worship in the next few days that follows. If it is major then you have lost it totally. You need to repent and start the time period again. Definition of what is a minor fault and what is a major one is your own job.
7. Once you finished this period then you will promise to yourself that you will not go back to the same state again. This will be your celebration day. Treat yourself with something legitimate. If you wish, you can then start another period where you try to control yourself in other things.
Things that will assist with the above:
- Do not spend much time alone
- Have a company of good friends, avoid those who may cause you break your promises to yourself
- Have daily plans and get engaged in fruitful activities which may be your job, education or any other thing
- Do exercise
- Get married (if you are not)!
Please do not take this as a prescription.This is simply based on the experience of people who have tried hard in purifying their soul. You can change any of the above to suit your conditions or preferences and you can in fact totally ignore it and adopt other ways that may help to feel more in peace within yourself. However what ever method you use, the common ground and principle is determination, patience connecting to God and progressing.
----------------
Related Topics:
- A Framework and an approach for Tazkiya (spiritual purification)
----------------
June 2013
